Love and Marriage: A dream that can become a reality for everyone!

I often dream of my wedding day.  I want a vintage wedding... Ah, yes!  I love all things vintage!  A vintage dress with a touch of whimsy and a touch of elegance.  Roses and daisies will adorn my bouquet.. in bright reds, pastel pinks and burnt oranges.  Four of my closest friends who have laughed, cried, and supported me through the ups and downs of life, the bonds of friendship deepening each year, standing beside me on this most sacred day.  The bond between mom and daughter is unflinching as you see the bond strengthen, yet now your relationship becomes deeper.  Her advice becomes even more the essence of you.  The advice that you scoffed at as a kid, viewing it as “uncool” or “cramping your style”, becomes so precious that you wondered why you turned a deaf ear to it to begin with.  Realizing that as the years of your marriage progress, you will most likely do things like your mom, your grandma, your aunts and your friends- giving the indication that you may not have turned a deaf ear to everything they lovingly taught you, after all.  I continue to be so grateful for the women in my life.  They are examples of strength, compassion and love.  I learn so much about what marriage means from examples of women in my life.  Whether its a look, a touch, or a kiss... They show respect for their husbands for taking the lead in their family ...an incredible gift that we have been given in marriage!  I’ve seen evidence so many times that this gift is not taken for granted, but highly valued.  Think about it:  Because you have listened and learned, observed and perhaps questioned... these are the things that shape you as a person to be ready to be a wife and a partner.  Then a potential husband catches your eye and has qualities that match your personality well, but also most important, he fits in with your goals, values and dreams.  Your dedication to each other becomes more solid through times spent together with conversations, laughter, tears, time with friends and families.  All of these building blocks become the stepping stones to a strong foundation of a firm, rich mutual love and respect....that can last the test of time. The handling of this gift takes much effort, but when that effort is made....you are rewarded endlessly!

People with disabilities feel the same about marriage.  They want to be able to tell people how the girl met the boy, how they cooked together for the first time, had their first kiss...the first moment they realized they are crazy about each other and you can’t imagine life without them there. The butterflies in your stomach when you know you have found the perfect dress. I’ve been told by many of my friends that we are all “disabled” in some way, its just that some disabilities are more visible then others.  That’s what makes the accomplishment of a goal like finding that special someone so sweet!  Marriage is not a fairytale, its a building project...building a team, a foundation of trust and support.....a unified and fortified wall against anything that is a threat to undermining this gift.  A challenging, yet rewarding journey.  Everyone, disabled or not, should have a chance to have this gift.  The gift of love and marriage doesn’t just have to be a dream....it can be your reality!

*Picture Courtesy of Angela and Matt Sharp :)
**Article Originally appeared in Unique Me Magazine

Michelle Fischer is host of  A View from My Window, a podcast  produced by The Arc of Indiana

It all started around the kitchen table.... :)

Have you ever really stopped and thought about how important the kitchen table is in your house?  It’s at the center of where everything important happens.  Memories are made, decisions are reached, and bonds are forged.  In my case it became one of the foundation building blocks that would take me through my rough times.  I remember my Grandma and Grandpa Fischer’s kitchen table so fondly even to this day!  

That kitchen table was where I learned kindness, compassion, and support.  I grew up in a family where getting together and seeing everyone was a refreshing intimate time to catch up, laugh and rebuild each other!  When entering the house, I remember even as a little tike, a feeling of instant comfort and coziness inviting me in.  I was never ignored, but included.  I was cheered on, helped and most of all...LOVED!!   I was part of the weave that was my family.  I always felt like if I wasn’t there...I knew they would feel like something so important was missing.   I was never put to the sidelines or less valuable because I was different physically.  Everyone, including my parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents were a team, and we helped each other out.  When we were making food for a family dinner, I was always in my high chair close by or included in the action somehow.  Or, sometimes we would simply look at old photos or look outside at the beautiful lake down the lane.  Whatever we did, I was never far away!! 

Children learn by example. The example set by the people in my family was never unnoticed or unappreciated in the least!  As I have entered adulthood, and have learned to grow into my own skin, I’m incredibly grateful for the the time, patience and love I was shown by my family members!

All of us get caught up in the “on-the-go”, but it’s important to slow down and take time to be with family.  Nobody loves you like your family does. Nobody will cheer louder or harder for you. And your family will use all their power to lift you back up on to your feet when you fall.  Realizing the strength and need for the bond of family happens around the kitchen table.  Never underestimate the need for family time for all in the family. The routines and memories you establish now, will make an impression and be a source of comfort during those hard times. Trust me, you will be thanked.  The advice and sometimes tough love family members have given me sticks with me.  When I’m not confident in myself one day, I hear my mom’s voice say, “Honey, you are doing things you never thought you would be doing, be proud of that”!  Or I hear Grandpa’s voice saying,  “Whatever you choose to do, you can do it and I will support you!”

The support and belief in me from those whom I care about is easy to see now, and is the very thing that started the spark of belief in myself to accomplish things I wanted to do.  Home is where your heart is. Family is where your STRENGTH is...and it all starts around the kitchen table.

My Life, My Choice: You deserve to choose how you live

Choices, Choices,  Choices.... From the time we wake up in the morning until the time we lay down to sleep at night, we make choices that affect us.  Sometimes we're affected in little ways, sometimes in life altering ways.  Whether it's how to have your cup of morning coffee....you know... black, cream, sugar, cream and sugar, etc, etc...  one choice out of endless combinations that makes that cup of coffee... YOURS.  Don't you just love being able to pick out an outfit that expresses "YOU" any day of the week?  Just think about it: every outfit chosen fits an occasion, whether its a wedding, a party, or a day out with close friends.  Every outfit has little touches like a scarf, purse, shoes, necklace and earrings....that make it...YOURS.  The list goes on, but the point remains that the choice is: YOURS. You don't ask the barista at the coffee shop how you should have your coffee, or the fashion consultant at your favorite store what you should wear.  Other people may give you tips as to what's in style or what's popular among other customers, but in the end, it's YOU who makes YOUR decision!

Sometimes making decisions can be difficult, especially if you feel pressured, perhaps. You may not want to hurt someone's feelings by making the wrong decision, so the tendency is to put it on the back burner, or if someone asks you what you think about something...you might choose to answer with a shrug, "Oh, I don't know...I'm not the greatest at making decisions."  It may be that you just haven't been given the chance to make decisions, especially by those who don't know you or your situation.

What if a person was willing to help you understand the options you may have, so that you can make informed decisions.  As far as where you want to live, if you can live with a roommate, or which services are available to support you in making the life you dream of a reality.  Well, good news!  The Arc of Indiana has you covered!  The "My Life, My Choice" project was launched from July through October 2012.  A team of two gathers information to assess your unique situation.  One of the team members is a person with a disability who understands where you are, how hard it can be to make decisions that can be life changing, but, also how good it feels to take control of your own life.   Don't be afraid to talk openly about how you feel, where you see your life going, or who you see being part of your support team.  There are no right or wrong answers in the interview!  It's a time for you to be heard and supported!

This project touches me very deeply!  The dignity and respect shown to people with disabilities in doing this project is outstanding!!  How deeply it touches a persons' heart to know that are heard, understood and cared for!

Michelle Fischer is host of A View from My Window, a podcast produced by The Arc of Indiana

Hear the interview about My Life, My Choice with Rebecca Scherpelz, the Arc of Indiana's Self Advocates Administrator and the Arc Network Employment Advocate Here:  www.arcind.org/upload/media/A%20View%20into%20the%20My%20Life,%20My%20Choice%20Project.mp3

                                                                                   

Sisters forever bonded <3 <3

My sister Christine and I.
Summer 2010

"Christine, let your sister in your room, open your door!"- this was something my sister dreaded hearing, as my mom said this from the bottom of the stairs.  I was usually outside her door, screaming at the top of my lungs, so my mom would plead my case for me!  My sister would eventually open the door, but with an "I'm doing this because I was told to, not because I want you around" attitude.  As her younger sister, everything she did was absolutely fascinating to me!  Her world of make-up, boys, and high school were "big girl" things that I just NEEDED to be in on!

Eventually, she realized that no matter what she did, nothing would ever keep me away!  She would come home from school, drop her books and run upstairs with her friend, Kim, and slam the door.....but, it wasn't long before I was crawling up the stairs to join them!

The truth is, my sister and I will be forever bonded, even though there is a significant age difference.  We are nine years apart and going through different times in our lives.  She is the mother of 3 beautiful children.....but I have yet to be a mother or be in a serious relationship for that matter - all those things aside though, the impact she has had on me as my sister cannot be denied!

She was nine when I was born and not one speck of jealousy was seen.  She had a human doll to love and care for, and care for me, she did!  Who, at nine years old, would put the interest of her newborn sister ahead of her own?  MY sister did!

She has always been a fierce protector of me.  While always seeing my potential, she never really saw me as disabled.  Always wanting me to be just like everyone else, she encouraged me to focus and move forward, not taking the easy way out!  She wanted me to have a good year during my freshman year of high school,  so she became my aide that year.  To this day we still laugh about the time we were looking for the girl's bathroom on the first day of school and though we both thought the bathroom looked strange....it took a while to realize that we were in the boys' bathroom!  We quickly made our exit!  Or the time when we were going between classes and she started talking to a teacher and without realizing it, she had pushed me into a classroom full of students during class!  Christine said the look on my face was hilariously priceless!! :)

Having a sister who has a physical disability has to have been hard on her.  I say it that way because she has never said it's been hard, but in the same breath, it must have been!  In most ways, I have had to take little steps to reach goals and have life experiences that relate to her in some way.  Usually sisters become bonded because they have gone through similar experiences....marriage, kids, boyfriends, break-ups, heartbreak....and I haven't even had some of those experiences yet.  So when I think of her, I wonder:  Does she ever feel like she has a sister who understands her and can relate to her?  Even though she sees me as not having a disability,  does she ever feel like the disability is a burden?

I never meant to be disabled, sometimes things just happen... but one of the most valuable gifts in my life, is a sister who loves me even so.  I have grown out of the need to do "big girl" things now, because I'm doing them....and loving it!  But I'm still fascinated by the person my sister is and has become.  I love my sister and will be forever grateful for the love she's shown me!  We are SISTERS!  Forever bonded!! :)

Special Olympics State Games- More then just sports...

In life,  it can be all too easy to get caught up in the everyday goings on, the routine things.  Life can be tough... and that's why it's so important to look for the silver lining and learn from others.  The Special Olympics State Games in Terre Haute, Indiana on June 2nd, 2012 at Indiana State University, was an event that did just that!  Disabilities disappear and athletes are refreshed and revived!   Sports provide the starting line of self improvement, confidence, determination and discipline.  What makes the Special Olympics State Games such a feel good event in addition to sports, is the people behind the scenes - people who give of their time, energy and resources to make sure that a CAN DO spirit lives at these games every year!  One of the highlights for me is hearing what makes the athletes proud to be a Special Olympian! Their faces glow!!

President/CEO Mike Furnish and Board Chairman Buzz Lail

Another highlight is talking to President/CEO Mike Furnish (and its not just because he told me this year that talking to me was the best 15 minutes he has :) Mike is one of the most dedicated people I have seen directing an organization like this!  His heart and soul show on his sleeve when he talks about Special Olympics!  This year, along with Mike, I met a new friend, Buzz Lail - Special Olympics board chairman.  Buzz is a dedicated amateur athlete who has competed in triathlons and many more sports.  And when I asked Buzz what athletes take for granted sometimes, he didn't hesitate to say with confidence, "The ability to do it tomorrow.  When I was younger, I didn't understand that I would have limitations and that they would change over time.  I knew it, but didn't understand it.  Our athletes come into these games with apparent limitations, and they know that those limitations will change over time,  just like the rest of us, but they face their limitations bravely".   I liked Buzz the second we started the interview because Buzz sees every athlete as a talent in their events, and just as good an athlete as he is.....the SAME.....Thank you Buzz....you warmed my heart by your comments and your commitment to Special Olympics!!

Interviewing Olympic Runner, Andrew Peterson 

Special Olympics Indiana strives to provide, what Mike says is, "a you can atmosphere" which translates into a person's mindset and attitude, along with a feeling of support which allows the disability to disappear and the person and who they really are to shine through - the transformation is unbelievable!  Thank you Mike for inviting me to experience the transformation of people's lives that is known as Special Olympics!!

Buzz said it best: " Some sports may get your body or your feet, but Special Olympics gets your heart....it gets all of you."  I invite you to experience Special Olympics for yourself....you will be glad you did....I'm sure glad I experienced it....it always brings a smile to my heart!

For more information on Special Olympics and Special Olympics Indiana go to: www.soindiana.org

Michelle Fischer is host of A View from My Window, a podcast produced by The Arc of Indiana