Love and Marriage: A dream that can become a reality for everyone!

I often dream of my wedding day.  I want a vintage wedding... Ah, yes!  I love all things vintage!  A vintage dress with a touch of whimsy and a touch of elegance.  Roses and daisies will adorn my bouquet.. in bright reds, pastel pinks and burnt oranges.  Four of my closest friends who have laughed, cried, and supported me through the ups and downs of life, the bonds of friendship deepening each year, standing beside me on this most sacred day.  The bond between mom and daughter is unflinching as you see the bond strengthen, yet now your relationship becomes deeper.  Her advice becomes even more the essence of you.  The advice that you scoffed at as a kid, viewing it as “uncool” or “cramping your style”, becomes so precious that you wondered why you turned a deaf ear to it to begin with.  Realizing that as the years of your marriage progress, you will most likely do things like your mom, your grandma, your aunts and your friends- giving the indication that you may not have turned a deaf ear to everything they lovingly taught you, after all.  I continue to be so grateful for the women in my life.  They are examples of strength, compassion and love.  I learn so much about what marriage means from examples of women in my life.  Whether its a look, a touch, or a kiss... They show respect for their husbands for taking the lead in their family ...an incredible gift that we have been given in marriage!  I’ve seen evidence so many times that this gift is not taken for granted, but highly valued.  Think about it:  Because you have listened and learned, observed and perhaps questioned... these are the things that shape you as a person to be ready to be a wife and a partner.  Then a potential husband catches your eye and has qualities that match your personality well, but also most important, he fits in with your goals, values and dreams.  Your dedication to each other becomes more solid through times spent together with conversations, laughter, tears, time with friends and families.  All of these building blocks become the stepping stones to a strong foundation of a firm, rich mutual love and respect....that can last the test of time. The handling of this gift takes much effort, but when that effort is made....you are rewarded endlessly!

People with disabilities feel the same about marriage.  They want to be able to tell people how the girl met the boy, how they cooked together for the first time, had their first kiss...the first moment they realized they are crazy about each other and you can’t imagine life without them there. The butterflies in your stomach when you know you have found the perfect dress. I’ve been told by many of my friends that we are all “disabled” in some way, its just that some disabilities are more visible then others.  That’s what makes the accomplishment of a goal like finding that special someone so sweet!  Marriage is not a fairytale, its a building project...building a team, a foundation of trust and support.....a unified and fortified wall against anything that is a threat to undermining this gift.  A challenging, yet rewarding journey.  Everyone, disabled or not, should have a chance to have this gift.  The gift of love and marriage doesn’t just have to be a dream....it can be your reality!

*Picture Courtesy of Angela and Matt Sharp :)
**Article Originally appeared in Unique Me Magazine

Michelle Fischer is host of  A View from My Window, a podcast  produced by The Arc of Indiana

The image in the mirror...the perception of beauty.

The tide...it is a changin’...and I applaud companies who have started to recognize  people with disabilities for the beauty that is within them and on the outside too!  Real people facing real issues, like for instance: being teased, taunted, and made fun of as the punchline of someone’s joke.  But now, a new opportunity arises for them.  Public awareness of what they can do!  Whether it’s a being model, an actor, an author or an athlete, the list is endless!  For a moment in time, allowing the disability to fade away, and being treated with the dignity they deserve.  All too often, the emphasis is placed on the outer beauty, and the inner beauty is ignored completely.  If a company is promoting feeling good about yourself, and they use a model who possesses outer beauty, yet is known to be self-centered and ugly on the inside, how in the world can you expect to believe anything that they say, and how can you truly feel confident in what you see? The actions don’t back up the words. Can that person really be considered a role model of what true beauty is?   Similarly, it becomes obvious that the models used today, while beautiful on the outside, lead lives that offer no example for young people with challenges to look up to.  Unfortunately, we’ve been trained by advertising to believe that beauty is only on the outside.  While outer beauty is a precious gift, it can be unappreciated by those possessing it, and the inner beauty needed to make it real, hasn’t even been considered as the most important factor.

But, when you feel beautiful on the inside, the outside beauty bursts out!  I remember when I was a little girl, I would sit outside the bathroom door while my mom would put  her make-up on and I just marveled at the the end result!  She would highlight her eyes with vibrant colors and use the eyelash curler and mascara to add the drama.  A little bronzer here, a little blush there, and voila!  It fascinated me to see how she could enhance her beauty by using make-up.  The outside beauty of my mom now matched the inner beauty she has always possessed.

People with disabilities have incredible inner beauty, as well.  And that makes the outer beauty burst out, but many times people lose out on seeing that inner beauty because the person they see in front of them doesn’t fit the mold of what they’ve been taught to think beauty looks like.  The reality is, people with disabilities are beautiful.... and you, by encouraging that beauty can help bring it out!  How cool is that?  You are a part of helping them realize their own unique beauty and TRULY embracing it!!!! 

Let’s face it, when going into the doctor’s office our parents heard the diagnosis and we all fit that “look” to a tee, masking the beauty that is in us....making us feel inferior, resulting in a self-esteem that is completely burst!  Plain and Simple: It should NOT happen!  When people realize that, it may be a small thing to most people, but when we see someone else’s true beauty and then help them see it too, its a big deal to them.  Their image in the mirror becomes most of all beautiful to them!!  A True Role Model Indeed!

Michelle Fischer is host of  A View from My Window, A podcast produced by The Arc of Indiana

***This article originally appeared in the Fall 2012-13 issue of Unique Me Magazine