Breaking News: I am a Panic Attack Sufferer!

I started experiencing panic attacks around the age of 18, about the same time I started experiencing depression. Depression and cerebral palsy were horrible enough, but then these attacks that have no trigger whatsoever? Yeah, now I'm at the peak of weirdness, I thought. I have never really talked about panic attacks until the last couple of years. I felt like if I talked about them, not only would people not understand, but I would be looked at as the most selfish person in the universe!  The real hard truth is, Ladies and Gentleman... Panic Attacks ARE REAL!  They do make me feel super out of control, mine come out of nowhere...literally I'm sitting by myself or lying in my own comfy bed in my own house!  I may go out to eat with friends and I'll have 2 small ones and a large one that shakes my body so much inside that I just want to curl up in a tight ball and cry until there are no more tears to cry! These attacks don't care that you want to enjoy life to the full with the ones you love, enjoy the act of actually taking air into your lungs, going shopping, going to a bookstore, going to a movie or just running errands. Everyday life is taken from you when these attacks show themselves... not to mention your self-esteem takes a MAJOR hit!  After many attempts at trying to be "Rosie the Riveter" about the toll that these were taking on my body, and that I could ''handle it", I found that it was difficult to deal with these alone. Seeking support makes everything more bearable! I wasn't too much of a fan of being that vulnerable at first, but the more I got used to the idea, the easier it became. As I talked about my anxiety, I found that many people suffer from the same thing. Then it occurred to me... the more you express what you are going though, the more other people feel free to express themselves. You never know how long they've felt the same fear of expressing their feelings, but because you are doing it, they may realize it's ok for them as well. What a gift to give to someone! In the years since, I have been to many doctors with no success. Then I found the sweetest doctor that has done wonders for me in helping control these monsters! Granted, I still struggle with them, and we have a rocky complicated relationship, but, I'm certainly glad I haven't giving up in showing them who's in control! I realized I'm worth it, and I'm certainly not alone.. No one is ever ALONE, my dear reader...NO ONE!

Michelle Fischer is host of A View from My Window a podcast produced by The Arc of Indiana

A look back through the Window of the past year!

It's hard to believe that another year has come and is almost gone.  What has never left, though, is the love I have of interviewing, meeting new people, hearing their stories and bringing them to you... It truly never gets old or boring!  If my Grandpa Applegate could see me now... he would be beaming with pride!  He was my mom's dad.  He was always such a stable, caring man in my life! I was proud to call him one of my grandparents!  He was the one I was sitting with in my living room the day I decided I was going to be in news. When I looked back at him and said: "Grandpa, I want to be a news anchor", I knew that I would have his support.  He's been gone for 22 years and still to this very day, I wish I could call him or sit with him and celebrate the achievement of the goal of doing what I love!  He was my loudest cheerleader and my most sought after support...just like my mom is....her daddy taught her well!  How I was raised and how my family treated me and others around them, really shaped not only myself as a person, but also the kind of anchor I have become.  I was always included in family activities, never excluded, but loved, and very much embraced.  In all the interviews I do, that is the mindset I come in with, striving to make the person feel at ease.  An interview style that allows the the person's voice and story to shine through, showing them dignity and empathy, as the story takes shape and starts to unfold.  Reflecting over this past year, my emotions and heart are always touched to see the resilience of the human spirit and the determination of those whom I have the pleasure of meeting.  I want you to know that all the interviews I've done this year and for the past 7 years, have all had a great impact on me.

Another major milestone of the Arc of Indiana, was the opening of the Erskine Green Training Institute and Teaching Hotel in Muncie.  It's been the first year for the training program to teach students a variety of skills in the hospitality industry.  It's been amazing to see what this institute has done for all those who have taken the leap to climb out of their comfort zone and realize what they are truly capable of.  It's been incredible to see!

THANK you so much to all of you who have listened to the podcast over these last seven years.  I'm truly grateful for all of you!  Thank you for allowing me to bring you the important issues and inspiring stories that the podcast covers.  Thank you for taking the time to meet me and telling me why you listen to the podcast and how it has brought a smile to your face!!

Thank you to ALL of the Arc staff and especially my team... my producer Sally Morris and my sound engineer Bryce Dickerson.  Thank you for making my work so rewarding...we are truly a team!  I can't imagine this podcast without you!  You bring stability to me when I'm nervous and a pat on the back when I'm unsure of myself (which happens more often than not..right? haha!!) The best medicine we throw in though, is laughter!!  Thank you as always...The Arc is VERY special to me!!

To my Mom: You had the hardest job: raising me!  Your love, confidence and hilarious humor has always gotten us though!  I will always be forever grateful for your support!

Here's to more podcasts and much more in 2017!

Behind the Mic Book Review : Bloom: finding beauty in the unexpected by Kelle Hampton

Bloom: finding beauty in the unexpected, by Kelle Hampton is a book that is candid, honest, raw and yet, a refreshing look into the diagnosis of a life-changing disability.  Kelle's second child, Nella, was born with Down syndrome. Kelle's heart sank the moment she saw her baby girl.  Altho she felt like she was alone, she never really was.  Kelle's husband, Brett, along with countless girlfriends, held Kelle up when everything seemed to be shattering around her.  They cheered her on as she bravely faced the yet unknown challenges that she would have to come up to the plate and conquer.  While she didn't hold back the ravages of her emotions and the pain that shook her insides to the core, you can clearly see, early on, the kind of person Kelle really is... She was able to develop deep relationships that sustained her and helped her to heal, while she changed her perspective.  She began to realize that the pain of her little girl's diagnosis seemed to blur her vision to the fact that Nella was a healthy, beautiful baby!  When the challenges presented themselves, she wouldn't be alone in surmounting them.  Dr. Foley was on the front line of support and would lovingly remind her that little Nella was already making advancement.  She passed her hearing test, her jaudice numbers were disappearing, and her heart test was fine, which not always, unfortunately, can be said of those with Down syndrome.  As you go along on the journey with Kelle, you begin to see that, despite the earth shattering change that occurred, she knew she couldn't stay down in the mire of negativity, or under the control of her "sadness demons" as she called them.  She had to begin to "flip the switch in her head" as her sister Carin called it.  She also asked her to ''discard the old glasses and put on the new ones, because, life is how you look at it."  There are countless illustrative word pictures in this book that I am going to keep in my "positive thinking memory recall list" (Yes, I made  that up....aren't you amazed?? :) )  In writing this book, Kelle, has given such a gift to all who live with a disability and their parents and caregivers.  Kelle was inspired by a statement she read while pregnant with Nella... It said:"Living a life of comfort, does nothing to help us grow, and hard times shape us into interesting, developed characters." Getting out of our comfort zone, helps us to "Bloom" finding beauty in the unexpected and "waking up to live and love fully!"

Kelle, Brett, Austyn, Brandyn, Lainey and Nella-

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your journey in this book! You all have shown that to Bloom means to embrace and accept Nella for who she is and help others to do that, too. Awareness of that kind has a ripple effect, and this book and your sharing it, has done that so beautifully! Many hugs to all of you as your story continues to Bloom!  

Want to read Bloom for yourself?? Order it here: www.amazon.com/Bloom-Finding-Beauty-Unexpected-Memoir/dp/0062045032?ie=UTF8&hvadid=3488214665&hvbmt=be&hvdev=c&hvqmt=e&ref=pd_sl_4xk7zhgsyl_e&tag=mh0b-20

Michelle Fischer is host of  A View from My Window, a podcast produced by The Arc of Indiana

Disability Awareness Month 2016: Where am I now?

March is Disability Awareness Month each year.  I have to admit, I actually kinda geek out during this month! Yes, we do get covered on the news a bit more and I get to see the cool things that others do to celebrate the month.  I especially love the the humorous and empowering t-shirts! Most importantly though, I reflect on how far I've come in my life.  From the day of my birth and my parents wondering if I would survive the first couple days of life, to being a journalist in the field of my choice! Of course, there was a lot of hard work in between.  I've come to realize that I'm the same as everyone else, but drastically different. Goals and aspirations are slow to come, at times.  My brain, I say, is able-bodied, but my body is slow to follow!  Giving up, though, would never do anything good for me so I refuse to give any time to the idea.  Instead, I look to build up! The key to helping myself is helping others. Whether it's a warm hello with a smile, spending time with friends and family, shopping for gifts for friends, sending cards, writing, working with my team on my podcast and interviewing incredible folks...all this builds me up and gives me the strength to continue to shine and be the happiest I can be everyday! So, this year for Disability Awareness Month, my advice to you is something that Scott Chesney said, an international speaker from Verona, NJ, recently interviewed on my podcast: "Don't let something life changing happen to you before you make a change". There are always going to be challenges, emotional ups and downs, bumps in the road, things that can cloud your vision, but always ask yourself: "Would you want it to be worse?" It could be worse in an instant. You have the power to choose your attitude toward whatever situation you find yourself in. Happiness is where it's at, people! :)  You are more than your disability tells you you are!  I want you to be able to look back on 2016 Disability Awareness Month and be able to say: Where am I now? I'm farther than I ever thought possible! What a GREAT choice....Right? :)

WARNING!! Celiac Disease NOT to be taken lightly!!

Before being diagnosed with celiac disease, I didn't even know there was such a diagnosis.  Unknowingly, I delighted in eating whatever I wanted. Pizza with a thin crust topped with green olives, breadsticks with cheese, cinnamon rolls with delicious creamy luscious frosting...food galore!  If you're reading this right now, is your mouth watering? You're very welcome! :) I was in foodie heaven, not realizing that in the not too distant future, my body would reject the very foods I loved.  The culprit: GLUTEN. The protein in things like breads and doughnuts.. No, wait.. the protein in almost EVERYTHING I was eating was wreaking havoc on my insides.. manifesting it's wrath on the outside, as well. Acne, hair loss (which is an ongoing battle) hives and feeling sick all over!!                                                                                                            

                                                                                                                                        Once we had the answer to what was making me feel so horrible, the real work of fortifying my digestive system against the damage that had taken place, had to begin and has had to continue.  I cried the first time I couldn't have just a regular slice of pizza, or a bowl of regular pasta. I cried!  Looking back on it, it was quite hilarious that I cried... I mean, really!  What I learned is to be very informed and aware of how I felt when I was sick because of the gluten.. ( I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy) and stick to a gluten free diet!  One of the people I have recently had the privilege of interviewing is Alice Bast, President and CEO of Beyond Celiac based out of Pennsylvania 

  Alice herself suffered debilitating effects from celiac disease and didn't know what it was.  Once she became well informed, she didn't want others to go through the struggles she went through.

I have only met Alice and her team virtually, but let me tell you, they are a powerhouse in Philadelphia at Beyond Celiac! They are concerned and understand how important diagnosis and treatment of celiac disease is, and how awareness helps you to alleviate symptoms and get you back on track to a healthy, happy YOU!

Listen into my interview with Alice Bast  here:  http://www.arcind.org/view-into-celiac-disease/
Here is a link to their fresh new updated website!  http://www.beyondceliac.org/
Michelle Fischer is host of A View from My Window, a podcast produced, by The Arc of Indiana

Being Thankful: It's all about perspective...an everyday effort.

I always love getting to spend time with my Grandma!  For as long as I can remember, she's been one of the biggest influences in my life.  My mom has, over the past couple of years, started to take on the role of caregiver, which involves taking care of everyday things for my grandma - making sure she has meals, new clothes when needed, doctors’ appointments, paying her bills, filling out paperwork, etc. - it’s a never ending list, actually.  Each new day brings the same routine and what has amazed me is my mom’s dedication to her mom.  She's told me countless times she doesn’t want my grandma to feel alone.  I see why she feels that way.  Her parents never left her alone or with nowhere to turn.  When my sister was growing up, she was with my grandparents whenever mom needed someone to watch her.  When I grew up, I was never always cared for, as well.  Both my grandma and grandpa made it part of their routine everyday, like clockwork, to be at my house to get me off the bus...always bursting with love and smiles to greet me.  My grandma would fix snacks as we talked about the school day.  I was always helped with my homework (translation: I am not and never was a math genius!)  No matter what it was, they were always there.  Holding me up, cheering me on and building me up.  Returning the favor is only the right thing to do. Being supportive a thousand times over.  For years, my grandma did well on her own and then we realized for her own safety and well-being she needed a little more assistance.  Transitioning there was rough, so the supportive reinforcements were built up.  Reassuring her that she would be in a safe place and able to do what she wanted so she could find more joy in being in a community that would welcome her with open arms and help her through the tough spots of moving into a new phase of life.  Every once in awhile, she would say she wants to come back to the home she lived in.  I started off by saying that I could really relate to her.  I haven’t done all I want to in my life either, but if we get too focused on what we don’t have, we'll miss out on the blessings we do have.  Mom and I both tell her how much we love her, and that moving her to where she lives now is because we want her to be safe, happy and healthy!  She just happens to be all those things, now that she has gotten settled in her new home!

My grandma continues to teach me that you may not have the most ideal situation, but you can be happy in adjusting to a new situation...and come out smiling on the other side!  That’s what my grandma does every day and I’m determined to do the same. Being thankful is an everyday thing. That way everyday can be sunny and bright!!  Make it part of your everyday routine!

Love you Grandma!! :)

Perserverence despite unforeseen obstacles: in the words of Jay Ruckelshaus

When I first started doing research for Jay Ruckelshaus' interview, a mix of emotions welled up inside me. On the one hand, I asked myself what I had to complain about and then the feelings of shock and sadness for him because of the complete suddenness of his situation and how it unmistakably changed his everyday life.  He was in a diving accident that caused a spinal injury.  Then the interview came, and you know what?  When I met Jay, all I could do was smile!  His demeanor is positive and happy.  Period.  Getting to the happy and positive part took some time, but what helped Jay was the support he received from his family, his community and the college he eventually attended.  You may have heard of it...Duke University!  Jay kept his eyes fixed firmly on what was ahead and was determined to reach his goal of going to college!   I learned so much from Jay!  One lesson I learned is, if plan A doesn't work, ask yourself: What's plan B?  Plan B may have more twists and turns, and in Jay's case a few more obstacles to jump over, but, it's a plan nonetheless and a plan that has given Jay the motivation to reach out and lend a hand to other spinal cord injury patients who are wondering what their plan B looks like.  Showing others that going to college is attainable, led Jay to create his website The Ramp Less Traveled providing scholarship opportunities, mentorship and financial support to those dealing with these injuries, to succeed.  Yes, SUCCEED in going to college and really succeed in life!  Jay Ruckelshaus is proof that Plan B can work!  If Jay can do it so can YOU!  Always remember, when life gets tough or something doesn't go just exactly the way you planned....What's YOUR Plan B??

Listen to Jay's interview here: http://arcind.org/view-jay-ruckelshaus-ramp-less-traveled/

Michelle Fischer is host of A View from My Window, a podcast produced, by The Arc of Indiana

There are more "doors of opportunity" that need the right "key" to open them!

The title of this blog was one of the first things John Dickerson said to me not long after the first episode of "A View from My Window" was done.  I was beyond thrilled!  I was actually doing the thing I thought I could only imagine doing or see being done on TV.  With ecstatic gratitude, I thanked him a thousand times over for giving me the job and he said, "Sometimes, you just need to find the right "key" to unlock your door of opportunity."  That statement rang so true.  I had been trying so hard to get noticed for my abilities as an anchor, writer and interviewer, that I told everyone and their brother about it.   I wanted to get my foot in the door of the broadcast journalism field.  When I met John, I was a clerical assistant at Wabash Center in Lafayette.  I was also the Honorary Spokesperson which allowed me to do various media work and TV spots for them.  Yes!  A stepping stone to my goal with the added bonus of gaining confidence in my ability to say how I really felt about my dream - that of being an anchor.  John and I started talking about my clerical job and several other subjects...and then the weighter matter: "So, what is your DREAM job?" John asks.  I remember pausing for a moment, trying to somehow avoid the subject, not wanting to hear, "Well, I really hope that happens for you" or "I wish you all the best in your endeavors."  I had always heard through my job search that it's all about the people you know and your connection with them.  At this point, I was unaware that John was the Executive Director of the Arc of Indiana!  So, I thought, "Maybe this guy knows the right people!"  If I didn't say something, I knew I would regret it.   So, I told him about my dream and felt happy I had talked to him about it, but then I put it out of my mind.  Two weeks later, I got an email from John saying that he really enjoyed meeting me and really appreciated me telling him about my dream of becoming a journalist.  He then explained that he had been thinking about doing a radio type program about issues facing people with disabilities.  I will never forget the very next sentence for the rest of my life..."I think you would be the perfect person to be the host".  I BURST into tears and couldn't contain my happiness!  I may have even screamed! That day, in November 2009, my life was changed.  As I got to know John and interview him over the past few years, I found that he has worked for decades, helping others like me, change their lives for the better!  We all love him for it, too!

So, now, it's my turn to be John's cheerleader as he goes on to accomplish more great things for people with disabilities in his next venture.  Being the "key" to many more doors of opportunity that need to be unlocked, and more hearts and lives being touched through his willingness to lend a hand to a person in need of a dream realized!


Michelle Fischer is host of A View from My Window, a podcast produced, by The Arc of Indiana