The value of Friendship: A treasure!!

 

I've always made friends easily, and I've been very blessed to have relationships that have remained strong for many years.  I'm grateful for friends in my life who are like family, and I'm in constant amazement that all of these friends saw something in me that they loved and connected with.  The blessing of friendship is one SWEET reward!   Friendship has always been a stabilizing force... I feel useful and valuable and it has been a source of strength.  Everything seems right with the world when I can give of myself to a close friend, whether in a time of unimaginable happiness or heartbreaking sadness.  I try to give back to people I care deeply about, who've made a place in their hearts for me...they deserve that.  I'm always quick to give a smile, a warm hello, a kiss on the cheek, an arm around the shoulder, a pat on the back.  A kind, loving gesture to let them know I'm happy to see them and that I care.  As I reflected on my friendships, I would often fight with a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that was almost impossible to suppress - I'm not good enough for my friends.  Was I even doing a good job being a friend?   Whenever a friend would talk to me about what they were feeling, a recent trip, getting married, being pregnant, buying their first home - I wanted to excitedly shout at the top of my lungs, I REALLY know how you feel!!  But, I really didn't know how they felt.  The pain of wanting to really connect to them was deep and intense.  With that desire being so deep, I realized that it was overtaking my thinking so much that it was squeezing every ounce of self esteem out of me.  The question was, would I let that happen?  For what seemed like an eternity, I sat stagnant, hating my situation.  The ultimate question for me was, how was this helping me be a good friend?  Of course, it wasn't helping at all.  My bad attitude was creating a wide gap that was taking me away from the thing I wanted...friendship!   The next question that came to mind was, how do I move forward and fix my bad self!?  When I quit focusing on my situation, I had time to love others.  It changed my life.  Take this, for example, my friend Michelle, whom you see in the photo with me...(our friends call us Michelle squared) ... is married, has two older kids and just had her third baby, Ava!  We have become so close, that Michelle and her family are like our family!  I've always dreamed of having a family, but being pregnant would be a big job for me physically and caring for children would take its toll, as well.  I still have the job of being "aunt" to my friends' babies though!  If I would have been so consumed with what I didn't have, I wouldn't have been able to soak up every moment of being able to be with Michelle at the hospital and holding Ava after she was born, and be a part of her life!! <3

My girlfriend Monique and I- on her wedding day 2008 :)

My girlfriend Michelle Serna and I :)

My girlfriend Angela and I on her wedding day:)

 My friend Monique met her husband Eric and fell head-over-heels in love!  Their first date was dinner at our house, because we had to see if he would really be her knight in shining armor. :)  It didn't take long for us to understand why Monique was falling in love with him. In 2008, they were married at our house!  Yes, that's right...we had their wedding in our home!!  Its been 5 years since that day, and it is still one of the happiest times of my life!!

My girlfriend Angela fell in love with her husband Matt within 3 months of meeting him.  When they got married in 2007..I was so excited for her...yet weddings can be hard for me.  But, I told my emotions: "NO, I'm not going to let you get me down"!  Seconds later Angela's dad, Bruce, put his arm around me, and said some of the most precious words, "Angela is getting ready, and she wants you to see her in her dress".   I went into the room where she was and everything stopped...I remember crying and saying "oh my" more then 1,000 times. :) It was a wonderful moment!

International Friendship Day is what inspired this blog. Even though it's past, friendship lives on!  I have many friends that I cherish, and I love each and every one of you!  I celebrate you and the bonds that we've made!!  Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your lives!!  Friendship is such a precious treasure!! <3

Michelle Fischer is the host of A View from my Window, a podcast produced by The Arc of Indiana

Mom: Thank you for being YOU! Thank you for seeing beyond the disability!

When a woman gets pregnant with her first child, there is always excitement that radiates from her, they call it the "pregnancy glow".  Happiness and joy fill the hearts of the parents-to-be, thinking of all the possibilities that will be opened to their little one as he or she grows.  Everything will be just perfect!  As a mom especially, you want nothing to be wrong with your child.  No one wants their child to struggle. They would rather take on the struggle themselves, rather than their child.

On May 8, 2012,  I interviewed Kerry Fletcher and Kathleen McAllen, two moms who have kids with disabilities. This interview was one of the most touching and emotional interviews I have done! And I thank both of these ladies so much for opening up their hearts and giving us a view into the joys of raising a child with special needs, along with the heartbreak of the diagnosis and the grief of their child having to deal with the lifelong struggle that they never asked for.  I admired both Kerry and Kathleen's attitudes when they talked about that first diagnosis.  Kerry looked at it this way : "We had been seeing delays for a while before we got the diagnosis, so the diagnosis was the cherry on top.  We knew why and we had answers so then we knew what direction to go."  When I asked Kerry how she sees the future for her kids, she said : "That's why we have the IEP set up at school to direct them.  We don't know what that future will look like yet, but we try to look at all angles and are hopeful that they will be independent and have jobs"

Kathleen said: "My husband and I are both practical people, and so with the diagnosis, we thought, ok, we're not crazy...this is real..now we have something to work with."  In the same breath, both moms agreed that there is a grieving of the loss of what you think is going to be.  It is a process for not only moms, but dads and siblings and even other family members who live far away. Kathleen gave a word of encouragement to people who make the extra effort to get to know those who have disabilities: "Make that extra effort to get to know them, you will get more than you give!"

The diagnosis of your child with a disability is not the end of the world.  It's the beginning of a new world... one to get used to and to be informed about.  Kathleen and Kerry have been through all the uncertainty, but have come out on the other side....and they hope that their story helps others to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

This interview also hit home for me.  My mom has been my cheerleader and advocate for many years now.  She has helped me through the ups and down of my teenage years into adulthood, coping with the shadow of my disability. The things she said and did allowed me to put the challenges aside and view these opportunities as a chance to grow and flourish and she was by my side through it all!! Mom: THANK YOU!!

Thank you to all the moms out there who care so deeply for children with special needs! Your love is such a gift to us! "A Mother's love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible"-Unknown Author


For more information on chapters of the Best Buddies program, go to: www.bestbuddies.org to find a chapter in the state you live in.  For information locally, in the Indianapolis area, go to: www.bestbuddiesindiana.org

Michelle Fischer is the host of A View from my Window, an internet podcast produced by The Arc of Indiana